February 14th, 2007
February 13th, 2007
Tis really nice having lj back again, did start to panic a bit when my old laptop decided to be rude and not to work, guess felt lonely without lj cos its the only place really where i can get things off my chest and blab about how shit im feeling.
Have had all my lectures/seminars for the day but i have loadsa work cos i missed three lectures last week and so have to catch up with that work as well as doing all my reading for this week and some for next week = ( lol. Damn uni work!!
So it be valentines tomorrow = D yaaaay. Am really looking forward to it for some starnge reason. I know to most other people its just another day of the year and a commercialised day at that but i dunno guess it just makes me feel loved and appreciated. Hopefully will be doing something fun otherwise therell be trouble and its the orbital valentines bar crawl tomorrow so another excuse to go get tipsy!! ha ha ha . Yay = )
My eatings been okay so far, guess im just gonna take it slowly and try not to punish myself for every little thing i eat. Will be hard but i just wanna be healthy and happy = ) Ate a packet of doritos without feeling too guilty on sunday so hopefully thats a sign of things to come.
Reallly must start this pile of work but i need to go to sainsburys and may be seeing ali for an hour - damn him and his work!! - so ill probably start my work in the evening but knowing me ill get distracted and will probably end up standing in the corridor talking to matt for an hour like last night!! hee hee . the joy of the Hawthorns = )
ps may have found somewhere to live next year!! woop. keeps your fingers crossed !!
February 10th, 2007
So my eatings being random of late really wanna go back to ana but at the moi i just seem to be eating crap food which i suppose is kinda good but at the same bad! i dunno guess im kinda mixed up but yeah alis been pressuring me (in a good way) to make an appointment at the consellor...scares the crap out of me opening up to some random stranger but who knows may help in some small way...or maybe itll just make it worse like admitting all ur problems and faults and bringing up the past. cos to be honest although anorexia is partly to do with media coverage of models and celebs u cant solely blame it on that...its more deep rooted. Guess i like to keep myself to myself well until im drunk .
tis nice to be home for the weekend makes me realise just how muh i miss my friends and how lonely i actually am at uni. guess no one really knows how lonely i am at uni cos i kinda put a brave face on...hopefully things will get better and woop i have an all u can drink for ten squid on monday so yaaaaay drunknness for me!! am out tonight as well yaaaaaaaay smirnoff ice drinking for me tonight!! am gonna take loadsa piccies so u can see what an exeter night out looks like! lol
have meine second tattoo as well wahoooo....a star on meine hip!! yay. am starting to get slight;y addicted now though....oopsie!! lol dont think my parents will be too happy if i get many more !! ha ha ha
anyhoo im off to drink more smirnoff ice and then go out
February 4th, 2007
Cant wait to go home now but it seems ageeeees away = ( i dont know i guess im feeling kinda lonely at uni = ( its wierd i dont know why considering there be loadsa people here and i get on with most of them but i guess they just dont know me as well as my friends back in exeter do?!?! Oh wells by tomorrow ill prob be thinking differently!!!! i do tend to chance my outlook and opinons on a whim!! hee hee. lol
righty ho id better go clean my room and hide the evidence of drunken smoking!!! lol. = D
night people = D haves a good one!!
February 3rd, 2007
Soo ive done my good deed for the day..agreeing to give money once a month to charity!! = O Only just starting to realise that i may actually not be able to afford it but i kinda got swept up in the whole thing!! and he flirted with me and i was in a happy mood!!!! lol. Oh wells at least im helping to save some lives = D
Mwah ha ha i am now the owner of fabulicious new flip flops!! Woop! Go me!! The flip flop queen!! Yaaaay. They be ever so sparkly!! Hee hee!! Bring on summer! Heck no ill just wear them now!
Someone please take my phone away from me!!
Am going home AGAIN on thursday!! Ha ha ha ....dont get me wrong i love uni and all but i duuno its nice to see more familiar faces sometimes and its nice just to spend a couple of days there!! Makes me appreciate uni more and what ive achieved!
Anyways that be a random pointless entry but wayhey!!
Hopes ur all kewl
February 2nd, 2007
Went to the spoons after my first lecture with fellow theologians and had a veggie breakfast but how typical was it that mine turned up late despite ordering it before some other people! anyways was a nice way to spend the gap between lectures and we ended up randomly discussing toys from our childhood ie pogs, yoyos, barbies, power rangers...etc etc!! Hopefully thatll become a regular friday thing = )
Thinks this weekend is gonna be spent reading and making notes although i do feel a need to do shopping and i need more stationary!! yaaaaaay. May go to the zoo hmmmm
Suppose id better be off to waterstones to get all these boooks!!
February 1st, 2007
i wish i was thinner. i wish i could wave a magic wand and id be perfect..the perfect size/the perfect person. why do i have to eat? i wish i could stop thinking about myself in terms of calories ive consumed/the size i am but i guess thatll always be part of me. why do i have to feel like this? why cant i be happy with whom i am? i guess thats the lagacy of an eating disorder. i wish i could stop these feelings yet at the same time they seem comforting. i wish someone else felt the same. i feel sooo alone and soo selfish for even feeling this way. aaargh. sometimes life sucks = ( x
Men are only after one thing!!..................sex!!! I really should learn when someone wants to add me to msn!! This morning i added someone who then started questioning me about my sex life and bra size and proceeded to tell me he was going to go and masturbate!! What a twat as if im going tell him stuff like that!!! God i have a bf and even then im not gonna discuss stuff like that with random people!!!! aaargh makes me sooo mad!! Are all men like that...well i know that my friends....
Anyways i have a seminar to attend = ( Feel much better this morning although i do keep sneezing!! Ha ha ha
January 31st, 2007
anyways i just want to get a few things off my chest. Firstly i have apologies to make. I know that in the past i have said some quite bitchy and hurtful stuff to people and said things i now regret soo much. I know ive used the word hate quite a lot and i apologise cos i dont hate anyone and i tend to overuse that word loooaaads. I guess when ive been a cow ive been at my lowest and i just take all the crappyness and shittyness im feeling out on people. I know that im selfish and i freely admit that im probably not the bestest person in the world. I guess now that im starting to feel happy again in myself i want to clear things up with people and leave the past where it should be.... in the past. I guess ill always be me....stressy! have a short temper! be bitchy sometimes but hopefully i wont take things that annoy me or get me down on those around me. Ok so im waffling and im probably guessing that doesnt make the slightest bit of sense but pffft. Hopefully youll be able to work out what im saying......ha a little puzzle!! lol.
What im trying to say is sorry for being a bitch.
Ps. i will try and stop getting in stressys but then where would lau be without her stresses!! Ha ali u aint seen the half of me little stresses yet!! mwha ha ha!!